Iubirea neîmpărtășită se transformă în ură, furie sau tristețe?

Psihologul Andra Tănăsescu susţine că atunci când iubirea încetează să se mai manifeste, când scade în intensitate, dispare sau nu este împărtăşită, sentimentele celui care este rănit se transformă în ură, furie sau tristeţe.

Iubirea este hrana sufletului. La fel cum alimentele hrănesc trupul fizic, iubirea hrănește sufletul. Dacă trupul nu primește alimentele de care are nevoie, el devine slab. La fel se petrec lucrurile și cu sufletul. Dacă nu beneficiază de iubirea de care are nevoie, devine slab, se poate chiar îmbolnăvi.

Există o serie de cupluri care îşi încep relaţia iubindu-se cu pasiune şi anticipînd că se vor iubi întotdeauna la fel, dar în cele din urmă relatia lor se scufundă în indiferenţă, frustrare şi resentimente. Este unul dintre paradoxurile societăţii noastre. Dragostea care începe frumos şi promiţător pentru ca apoi să se transforme în exact opusul ei.

Realitatea este mult mai complexă: sunt mulți care trăiesc povești frumoase de dragoste, mulți care trăiesc povești în care uneori au parte de momente neplăcute și mai sunt și acele povești în care, din diverse motive, iubirea nu pare să invingă, așa cum am fost obișnuiți de producțiile Disney.

Dragostea se poate transforma în ură, mai degrabă decât în indiferență. Cu cât dragostea e mai mare, cu atât șansele să devină mai degrabă ură decât indiferență sunt mai mari.

In opinia psihogului Andra Tanasescu, atunci când iubirea încetează să se mai manifeste, atunci când aceasta scade în intensitate, dispare sau nu este împărtășită, sentimentele celui care este rănit se transformă în altceva.

“Fie că vorbim despre ură, fie că vorbim despre furie ori tristețe, iubirea neîmpărtășită dă naștere unui sentiment profund de durere și dezamăgire. Atitudinile și reacțiile în aceste situații diferă de la om la om, fiecare având o metodă proprie în care se manifestă și în care face fața acestor emoții”, explică psihologul Andra Tanasescu.

Cum este posibil ca iubirea sinceră să se transforme în ură sau antipatie?

Iubirea nu se poate spune că dispare, nu în adevaratul sens al cuvântului. Aceasta se confruntă cu obstacole, iar acestea influentează direcția pe care o apuca iubirea celor doi parteneri. Lipsa de comunicare, gelozia, lipsa de ascultare interesata, lucrurile nespuse, emotiile neexprimate, toate contribuie la destrămarea calității iubirii dintre doi parteneri de viață.

Totusi, întrebarea persistă: Ce se întâmplă când iubirea își pierde din intensitate din cauza comportamentelor de acest tip?

,,Răspunsul, deși nu neaparat plăcut, este simplu. Facem față diferit la durere iar ura, tristețea, reacțiile furtunoase, sunt doar câteva modalități prin care oamenii reusesc să facă față suferinței. Atunci când nu reusim să gestionam durerea produsă de lipsa de răspuns față de ceea ce simțim, intră în acțiune diferite mecanisme de apărare și adaptare care ne permit să facem față acelui moment de durere. Astfel, în situația în care unei persoane, spre exemplu, nu îi este întoarsă iubirea, aceasta poate va transforma toată acea iubire în ură, pentru a face lucrurile mai usoare (cel putin în aparență). Această reacție este un fel de a spune „dacă nu te pot iubi, atunci te voi urî”, lucru ce se traduce de fapt în „desi nu pot să te iubesc, eu tot simt ceva față de tine. Așadar, în acest fel îmi este permis să simt ceva pentru tine, deoarece, nu îmi esti indiferent/a, ci însemni ceva pentru mine”, este de parere psihologul Andra Tanasescu.

Ura nu este opusul iubirii

De asemenea, sunt multe persoane care consideră ura ca fiind opusul iubirii, însă specialistul este de părere că aceasta este o prezumție falsă. Iubirea și ura sunt interconectate iar în momentul în care iubirea nu se poate manifesta, apare ura care permite un fel de manifestare a unor simtamante profunde.

“Ura apare în acele momente de imposibilitate, incapacitate de manifestare a iubirii. Ori, atunci când nu poți lua persoana în brațe ca să îi spui cât de mult înseamnă pentru tine (din frică, nesiguranță, distanță, etc), în acel moment vor aparea alte emoții care vor permite manifestarea acestei neputinte. Dacă este să căutăm opusul iubirii, pe acela consider că îl putem găsi în indiferență. In momentul în care simțim indiferență față de o persoană și orice ar face, fie că pleacă, fie că rămâne, este tot una pentru noi, atunci iubirea nu există. Nu poți iubi o persoană și să fie egal cu zero,faptul că pleacă de langă tine sau rămâne. Indiferența se traduce prin „nu îmi pasă, nu mă interesează”, iar acest lucru vine din lipsa de sentimente față de persoana în cauză”, conchide psihologul Andra Tanasescu.

Când detestați pe cineva este  exact ca și cum l-ați iubi: deja aveți o legătura cu el. Ura este la fel de puternică precum dragostea.

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